Encountering a line for the women’s restroom is not a moment to celebrate, but I leapt for joy when this occurred in my engineering office this week. Finally! In this field, I’m so accustomed to being one of the few—or the only—females. The workforce of the future is here (although currently queued up for the restroom).
My hope is that experienced engineers would have changed the working environment so that women could stay and thrive, though recent data indicates that retention rates do not yet parallel hiring rates of females in engineering.
According to research from the Society of Women Engineers, from 2011-2016 the number of engineering and computer science degrees conferred to females increased 54% (23,606 to 36,453), though it is unclear whether retention in the STEM (Science, Technology Engineering and Math) fields will be maintained. As it stands, only 30% of women remain in engineering careers 20 years after first entering it. Why? It’s the lack of job flexibility, poor work culture, and unappealing management according to 30% of all women engineers who have left the field.
I’ve received many inappropriate comments inhttps://www.aauw.org/research/solving-the-equation/ the workplace—some of those making me question my abilities and my desire to continue in the field. According to a report from The Stanford Center on Poverty and Inequality, 80% of women who are harassed will leave their job within 2 years. Some women leave their chosen career and trade entirely.
I want others to know that if they experience anything similar it is not a reflection of your capability, but a major shortcoming of others.
I’ve encountered many bumps and sinkholes throughout my career, but here are ten of the most staggering things I’ve heard in my workplace:
10. “Why are women drivers so awful? Almost as bad as women engineers…”
Still not as bad as bad manners.
How should one respond to inappropriate comments in the workplace?
Communicate immediately that the comment or behavior is not okay, but do not appear overly angry and reactive. For minor offenses consider documenting, but not reporting to a manager or human resources. However, safety is the most important consideration, and sexual harassment should always be reported. Here are some responses to sexist comments that you can try:
- Laugh it Off
- “Really? Did you really say what I think you just said?”
- “Hey come on now, really? That’s not cool/appropriate.”
- “I don’t know where you’re going with this conversation, but it doesn’t sound like anywhere good.”
- “I’m looking around for the foot that fell out of your mouth.” (Act this one out)
- <Point over person’s shoulder> “Oh look, there’s Sam from Human Resources.”
- Assume Good Intentions
- “I’m curious, can you tell me more about that?”
- “I’m not sure I heard/understood that as you intended, can you repeat/elaborate?”
- Direct
- “Your comment is not appropriate/unprofessional.”
- Concerned
- “Are you ok? Things are getting tense in here.”
- Dated
- “I’m so glad things are much different now than they were a long time ago.”
In this instance, I adopted a joking manner and replied, “Hey come on now, really? That’s not cool” and walked away (while shaking my head).
My group leader talked to the offender and assured me that the incident would not happen again. He praised the way I had handled this situation by standing up for myself with humor.
9. “Ellie wanted to be a project manager too, but she got pregnant and left us.”
This response was the culmination of my very well-planned career planning session where the focus should have been on me. What’s worse? That the culmination of the planning session was comparing me to another female? Or that it was about Ellie being pregnant? Nevertheless, this is a comment that would never be uttered to a male. I was then shooed out of his office.
8. “Did you say that because you are blonde?”
This person apologized shortly after making this statement. Should I ignore that comment because you are sorry?
7. “If you have time to volunteer/attend employee committees/go to gym/play sports then you must not have enough real work to do.”
Really?!? Unfortunately, I stopped sharing any details about my personal time.
6. “I hear layoffs are coming, but from the looks of that big ring you’re wearing it looks like your husband can provide for you…”
Excuse me, are you comfortable with your daughter being forced to rely on a man?
5. “I’m not calling you a liar, but you don’t give a sh$t.”
This was an encounter with a female bully in the workplace. It did not go so well for me…
4. “Equipment’s broken down. Anyone want to go screw around with her?”
This comment made me feel physically unsafe on a job site, so I left and reported this to my boss (who handled it).
3. “The engineer, he does ____. Then he thinks this way. Then he checks ___.
I was literally mansplained. I am an engineer who also happens to be female. This person worked harder to add the word “he” in his conversation to me.
2. “Why don’t you go cook something?”
Thank you awesome (male) coworker who immediately shut this guy down!
1. <Doesn’t look at me at all (but at a spot above my left shoulder) during 1:1 annual performance review>
This was a very awkward half hour. This same manager walked around greeting male direct reports in the mornings, but skipped over and ignored all of his female employees.
What are your thoughts? Have you received any eye-raising comments in the workplace? If so, I’d love to hear your experiences and how you handled them below!
